Chapter 25 – Troubled Conscience

Jolene fell backwards into a locker as an older boy with reddish brown hair brushed past her. She started to turn to shout after the boy when something caught her attention. A muffled half sob half groan from someone in pain. Curious, she forgot about the rude boy as she followed the sound. “Eli,” she cried recognizing the boy as she knelt beside her brother “are you alright?”

Holding his nose Eli shook his wincing in pain at the motion.

“Did that boy do this,” she looked around as if she could find the object of her ire.

“If you mean Stephan, then yeah,” Eli said, holding his head back as blood poured from his nose. 

“Here let me see it,” she said leaning in close, making a face as she did so. “She made a mess of your face.”

“Ow,” Eli hissed as Jolene inspected his nose. “I think it’s broken,” he said “I should probably go to the nurse’s office.”

“Why,” Jolene demanded, pushing him back against the locker “I can fix it.”

“The nurse can fix it too,” Eli pointed out.

“Yeah but it’ll take weeks and probably heal crooked,” Jolene said. 

Eli gazed into his sister’s eyes. The usual disdain was gone and all he could see was genuine concern. “Do you think you can do it before class lets out?”

She flashed him a grin full of the self assured cockiness he was used to seeing from her. “Easy peasy,” she said as a look of concentration replaced the grin and a soft glow engulfed her hand as healing energy flowed from her and into Eli. She concentrated the cells, giving them the energy to regenerate the broken tissues, to grow, to strengthen, to bond together. “All done,” she smiled “how do you feel?”

Eli gingerly touched his nose “you did it.”

“Well duh,” she rolled her eyes “don’t you trust me?”

“Thanks JoJo,” he said using her pet name he had for her. 

Helping him gather his scattered books she asked “why did this Stephen hit you?”

Sighing, Eli shrugged “I don’t know other than he doesn’t like me.”

“I can see that,” she waved a hand at the front of Eli’s bloodstained shirt. “But that doesn’t explain why.”

Glancing down “do you think you can do something about this?”

“Sorry my specialty is healing not cleaning,” she said.

“What good are you if you can’t clean,” he teased.

“Just be glad I came alone when I did,” she said “Stephan might have done worse than smash that pretty nose of yours. Which is still pretty, by the way, thanks to me.”

“And I appreciate that you did,” he said whole heartedly. 

“You still haven’t answered my question,” she said, turning serious. “Why did Stephan do this?”

“Do you really want to know,” he asked.

“Of course I do,” she said “I know that we have our problems but you’re my brother. I care about you.”

Eli stared at her, a million emotions flitted across his face. He really wanted to believe her. Before he could answer though the bell rang and the halls began to fill with students. “I can’t really talk about it here but later, okay?”

“Fine,” she agreed as he was joined by his friends who were asking him why his shirt was bloody. Jolene moved towards her locker, keeping an eye out for Stephan wondering what the story was between him and her brother.

***

“This is so boring,” Jolene cried, tossing her pen down. She watched with detachment as it rolled off the table. “I don’t see why we both have to read all this … stuff.” 

Eli looked up from the book he was reading “you’re the one who picked the subject.”

“Only because it would have taken you ages to come up with something,” she groaned, leaning back in her seat. “Who cares about some old dead people and their healing magic anyway?”

Eli set his book down, carefully marking the page before closing it. “It’s not so much the people as the knowledge they left behind.”

She considered his comment for a moment before asking “what does it matter what they knew? It’s all obsolete now. We’re so much more advanced now then they were. They’re just a bunch of old dead people.”

Eli chuckled, shaking his head at her “one day you’re going to be one of those old dead people. Don’t you want someone in the future to be reading about you and what you contributed to the world?”

“No,” she replied quickly, hoping to cover over the uncomfortable thought Eli’s words had brought up. The thought that she wouldn’t accomplish anything that anyone would want to remember her for. “I’m not like you,” she mumbled.

“What,” Eli asked, blinking in surprise.

Retrieving her pen, Jolene said “isn’t that why you write all those songs? To be remembered? To leave a mark on the future? Daddy says you want to be rich and famous one day. And you’ll forget all about us.”

“Do you really think I could forget about my family? About you? My sister?” Eli said, “I know we don’t always get along but I do love you.”

“You do,” she asked, sounding as if there had been some doubt in her mind. She squirmed in her seat as if there were more she wanted to say “what if I did something really awful? Would you still love me?”

Silence fell between them. Jolene could feel the penetrating stare that Eli was directing towards her like he could see right through her. See all the secrets she kept hidden inside. All the insecurities she held within her. But he could see how sorry she was for what she had done? How she wished she could undo what she had done? Could he see the guilt she felt and stuffed deep inside her so that no one could see it? 

A hint of a smile quirked the corners of Eli’s mouth as if he had indeed reached inside her and found all those things. “I guess it would depend on what you did,” he said, his voice gentle and soft “and whether or not you’re truly sorry for what you did.”

Swallowing the sudden urge to confess and lay her soul bare before him she scoffed. “Daddy says only a fool forgives.”

“JoJo,” Eli sighed, “don’t you think you’re old enough to think for yourself?”

“I’m the queen of independent thinking,” she huffed, pushing her chair back and stomping from the room.

“Don’t worry lil sis, I’ll be here when you’re ready to tell me,” Eli said at her departing back.

Whirling around, hands on hips “I don’t know what you think I have to confess,” she said “I assure you I don’t. My conscience is clean.” Despite the crispness of her words and the angry tilt of her jaw, she couldn’t meet his gaze. Then as if inspired she added “perhaps you’d like to tell me what you did to Stephan to make him hate you? Surely you must have done something.”

“Deflection doesn’t become you,” Eli muttered.

Before Jolene could respond Jonah stuck his head inside the room “dinner’s almost ready. Can you clean up in here and set the table?”

Standing Eli started to gather his things “sure thing dad.”

Stiffly Jolene moved forward to help muttering low enough “dad’s perfect little soldier, always doing as he’s told. Don’t you think you’re old enough to think for yourself?”

Eli chuckled but kept his comments to himself despite his sister’s obvious attempts to provoke him.

***

Later that night after everyone had gone to bed, Jolene crept from her room. Her slipper clad feet moved silently across the floor of the darkened room. There was a light below her parents room indicating they were still up, probably discussing her dad’s next tour. Slowly she moved towards her brother’s room wishing he were still in the room next to hers. It had been easier then to sneak into his room late at night but now the little kids had that room. It was inconceivable to her as to why Eli had volunteered to give up his room just because it was bigger and he was just one person. Even though she didn’t understand it she admired it.

She opened Eli’s bedroom door a crack, “are you asleep?”

“Yes,” Eli mumbled, “go away.”

Disregarding his request Jolene slipped into his room “we need to talk.”

“What part of go away did you not understand,” he demanded, pulling a pillow over his head.

“You didn’t really mean it,” she said, pulling the pillow from his head. “If you did, you wouldn’t have said anything. You would have been asleep.”

Sitting up Eli glared at her “I hate it when you use logic.”

Giggling Jolene sat on the floor saying “me too.” Crossing her legs continued, “what are you going to do about Stephan?”

Slipping out of bed, Eli joined her on the floor “I don’t know. Ignore him I guess.”

Rolling her eyes, she pointed at his nose “ignoring him isn’t working.”

Touching his nose he grimaced “I don’t know what else to do. I can’t fight him.”

“Why not,” she demanded, “what does he have over you that makes you roll over and take it?”

“Nothing,” Eli grumbled “he just doesn’t like me, never has. It’s just gotten worse since Awan left.”

“So Awan was your bodyguard,” she asked. Her stomach twisted with guilt. 

“Well I wouldn’t call it that,” Eli sighed. “It’s just no one messed with Awan. Not even Stephan. Reed thinks it’s because Stephan likes me and doesn’t know how to express it any other way.”

“Not very likely,” Jolene snorted, “boys his age have outgrown that behavior.”

“I know,” Eli agreed “Stephan just likes to push his weight around and I’m an easy target.”

“Is it because you’re gay,” she asked “I’ve heard others saying you are.”

“I don’t know,” Eli shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it much. I know if Awan were still here I’d have liked to have been his boyfriend but I don’t know if that makes me gay or not. It’s not like I’m attracted to other boys or girls for that matter.”

“But you liked Awan,” she persisted despite the pang in her conscience that never seemed to go away even though she’d been told that what she’d done wasn’t all that bad. Daddy would know, wouldn’t he? Or was Eli right and she needed to think for herself? “You kissed him. So you must have liked him.”

“I did,” Eli sighed “but was also a lot younger. Who knows what it would have become if Awan was still here.” He fell silent, lost in thought.

“If Awan were here I’m positive you two would still be together,” Jolene assured him. She’d had a long time to realize her feelings for Awan weren’t the same as Eli’s. It was a silly little crush. She could admit that now.

“You think so,” Eli asked then shook his head “I guess we’ll never know. It doesn’t matter. I’ll probably never see him again.”

The sadness she detected in his voice and the heart wrenching longing in his eyes added to the secret burden she bore in her heart. “You’ll see him again,” she said “I know you will.”

“In my dreams maybe,” Eli sighed wistfully. “But I don’t think that’s going to help me with Stephan in the here and now.”

“Maybe not but Stephan will get what’s coming to him,” she said wondering when she was going to get what was coming to her. 

“We should go to bed,” Eli said, covering up a yawn. “I have two tests tomorrow.”

“Ugh, school,” she moaned. “I hate school.”

“I know,” Eli chuckled, “I think everyone knows.”

Getting up Jolene walked to the door “you don’t have to worry about Stephan. I’ll take care of him.”

“Jolene, don’t get involved,” Eli demanded.

“Too late,” she said “I got involved the moment I healed your nose.” 

“Jolene no,” Eli entreated her “I can fight my own battles.”

“But you don’t have to,” she said, latching onto this idea as something she could do to make up for all the trouble she caused by sending Awan away. If she hadn’t made that phone call then Awan would still be here and Stephan wouldn’t be bullying her brother. Maybe Eli wouldn’t have to find what she’d done after all. “Good night Eli,” she said, “just leave everything to me.”